When I was at Wagner Hills I spent most of my time criticizing the program, the people and the leaders. I now realize that this was pretty much the most ridiculous thing I could have done. I was so worried about how long the program was, what I was missing in the world and how soon I could return to the life I once knew.
The thing about God, though, is that he doesn't return you to the life you once knew. After encountering him in a real and tangible way my life has been forever altered. And I am here to tell you that it is amazing.
I fought with everyone while at the farm. I squandered an opportunity that was given to me: to get the most out of everything God was offering to me during that one year. I was consumed by frustration, intolerance and impatience. And yet, in spite of all this, God reached out and touched me. He changed me.
The world that I once thought was important, is no longer.
I am writing this to share a message that I desperately needed to hear while I was at the farm: Stop Worrying. Spending a year to meet God in a personal way, sacrificing the world in order to search for him, is the best decision you could ever make. The cost of one year of your time is nothing in comparison to what you will receive from him in return. I know it seems hard to believe when you are stuck in the middle of a struggle, knee deep in the trenches; but, trust me, it is true.
I deserve nothing, yet he has given me everything. He is faithful even when I am not, and he never gives up on me.
When I came to the farm I was homeless, jobless, broke, destitute, despairing and desperate. I had nothing in my life. I had lost all of my family and any hope of establishing a relationship with them. I had no future and was living only to get high one more time. I was living on the street, surrounded by people who only wanted to hurt me. And I was convinced that I would die this way.
Then I came to the farm.
I left early and paid a heavy price for my disobedience; sin is not without consequence, even though grace reigns. Still, God did not leave me: he picked me up and carried me forward on the journey, moving toward his plans for me. I am far, far from perfect, yet he shows me kindness and compassion.
I have a home, a vehicle, a job that I love, someone to share my life with, a relationship with my family; and, most importantly - hope. A that cannot be diminished or squashed by the darkness of this present world. I have material belongings that I could have never imagined, but it is not the material that inspires me - it is the spiritual connection.
Listen to your leaders. Forgive and love your brothers. Give God your heart. Sing with everything within you. Surrender and stop fighting. Because the life waiting for you is more than you could ever imagine, and you will not find it anywhere else.
